Anxiety Therapy Attachment in Media: Love Island USA
Anxiety Therapy
You keep others at a distance and struggle with trusting new people.
You have been through different experiences that have proved to you why you do not trust easily.
You worry about how people in your life will hurt you or use your emotions as a weapon against you.
You begin to think, it is hard to believe that someone can be genuine.
Attachment in Media: Love Island USA
In last week’s blog post “Attachment in Media: Inside Out,” I explored one of the reasons anxiety protects us; fear of loss of connection. In this blog post, I explore another fear that is connected to attachment wounds; the fear of getting too close. The fear of getting hurt again is a concern we all have in one shape or form. It is a feeling we try to distance ourselves from, so we act preventively in ways that provide protection against situations or people that we cautiously think will hurt us.
Reality shows around dating are just one example of how attachment can be observed in Media. Lets take for example Serena from Love Island USA, who we witnessed being cautious from the beginning around Kordell and the other men that were coming in. There was one foot in and one foot out the door with Kordell, out of a way to protect herself. A lot of us find ourselves in the real world having a similar wall up as a way to not let others take advantage of us. It can be because of past experiences we have experienced in our childhood and/or within romantic relationships which did not make us feel safe. Safety in empathetic and validating responses to our expression of emotions.
When we finally let people in and give vulnerability and trust a chance, there is this inner battle of hope and skepticism in trusting someone new. Serena letting Kordell in emotionally prior to Casa Amor, was that step of vulnerability she had worked through the whole beginning of the season to get to. Casa Amor happens, and the feelings of hurt arise for Serena because of being vulnerable to someone and this person dropping the ball on the trust they had established towards each other.
Have you ever had a moment where you give some one a chance, despite your brain telling you it is a bad idea?
And they fall below your expectations in being understanding, validating, and empathetic.
Instead, they make judgmental or critical comments, maybe even laugh.
A rush of negative thoughts surfaces; “I should’ve known better” “I am stupid” - to name a few
Serena’s protective/defensive mechanisms show up as Casa Amor ends, and Kordell returns to the villa. On our screens, we are able to note the feelings of anger and underlying hurt through the behavioral displays. She begins to retract from the person she took a chance on, because she will not let herself be embarrassed again from allowing someone that has already caused her hurt to hurt her again. This is how our brain comes to protect us from negative feelings.
Ligia Orellana BIPOC & LGBTQ Affirming Therapist in Los Angeles, CA Specializing in Anxiety and Toxic Relationships.
If Serena was going to meet with a therapist to work on the impact of these relational wounds and worry about getting close to others - A big part of therapy would be examining these past hurts and processing the emotions attached to them. An exploration into the common thread to her feelings and these experiences. Ultimately to get to a place in identifying and creating corrective experiences to help create a secure attachment. The role I take on within therapy is to help guide my clients towards this path of understanding, certainty, and compassion. If you are ready to target this, you can read more about how I can help here and schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation here.
I wish you good vibes in your healing journey!
Ligia Orellana, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
