Anxiety Therapy Attachment and Childhood Trauma

Anxiety Therapy

You grew up learning to depend on yourself

At times, you struggle with trust

You feel wary around others’ capability to be there for you emotionally and physically

You wonder if an intimate connection is even safe

Attachment and Childhood Trauma

In “Attachment and our Brain Part 1,” I briefly went over how the brain protects children who grow up in a family who are emotionally unavailable, unsafe, and/or detached. How it leads to holding onto amplified defense mechanisms due to perceived danger. Caregivers who are emotionally and physically neglectful and abusive, create homes that lead to psychological and physical rejection/ abandonment for a child. Children look for their caregivers to be present, provide protection, are supportive, and non-judgemental. This helps a child feel more relaxed and less on guard in trusting the goodness in others and be their authentic selves. When these needs are not met, as they grow up they lean into self preservation to keep themselves safe and try to distance themselves from feeling hurt. Let’s take a look into the impact of these different types of homes, fears, and protective/defensive mechanisms.

1. Emotional neglect being demonstrated as a caregiver’s lack of ability to be emotionally present and meet a a child’s emotional needs due to their difficulty in coping with their own trauma, engagement in substance use dependence, and/or struggle with their mental health.

   1. The fear of trusting another’s ability to take care of them emotionally due to perceived rejction or abandonment. They learn to depend on themselves for emotional self-reassurance and may struggle with self-soothing.

2. Emotional abuse being demonstrated as a caregiver’s lack of ability to be empathetic, non-judgemental, validating, and supportive.

   1. The fear of being too emotionally open with someone due to perceived danger created by past memories of an abuse. Questioning of a partner or friend’s capability to provide a safe and supportive environment

3. Physical neglect being demonstrated as a caregiver’s lack of ability to provide a child their basic needs of food, supervision, and shelter.

   1. The fear of trusting another’s ability to be physically present in the daily and during moments of distress due to perceived rejection or abandonment. They learn to depend on themselves for survival, and struggle with learning to depend on others.

1. Physical abuse being demonstrated as a caregiver’s lack of ability to be create a safe and supportive environment.

   1. The fear of getting too close with someone due to perceived danger created by past memories of abuse. Questioning of a partner or friend’s capability to provide a safe and supportive environment.

Ligia Orellana BIPOC & LGBTQ Affirming Therapist in Los Angeles, CA Specializing in Anxiety and Toxic Relationships.

As we get deeper into talking about the different attachment styles, it is helpful to begin to note how our childhood contributes to it. The examples around how we perceive danger, how it comes about, and the increased compassion around an attachment style we initially as children have no control over inheriting as a way to survive. Acknowledging the role defense/protective mechanisms play in helping us feel protected; whether that is keeping emotions to oneself, not expressing authentic emotions to others, being cautious around people, or automatic thoughts of people/situations being dangerous or unsafe - to name a couple. We will briefly go over more themes in the next blog post on the connection between our childhood and activated attachment styles. If you are ready to explore this connection for yourself, you can read more about how I can help here and schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation here.

I wish you good vibes in your healing journey!

Ligia Orellana, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist